"It was almost as if someone took Livan Hernandez's head and stuck it on Ricky Martin's body."
(Unidentified Beat Writer, via The Nationals Enquirer, 8/10/2007)
Livo-suction!?
According to sources with no direct or indirect knowledge of the situation, Livan Hernandez has dropped from from 280 to 180 pounds seemingly overnight. A beat writer covering the Nationals who asked not to be named tells the Enquirer: "It was fairly shocking to walk into the clubhouse earlier today and see Livo like that. It was almost as if someone took Livan Hernandez's head and stuck it on Ricky Martin's body. Downright disturbing, if you ask me."
Hernandez claims he lost an astonishing 100 pounds over the past six weeks with a diet of protein shakes, fish and vegetables - but experts say his drastically slim appearance indicates he's taken a disastrous path to weight loss. Other "Sources" who examined recent shocking photos of the 6-foot-2 pitcher say he appears to have lost too much weight too quickly. Other "experts" seem to think Livo's extreme weight loss may be the result of "The Star Jones" method.
Regardless -- it's Livo vs. Chico, tonight.
(Note -- scroll down: Shouldnt it be clearer that it's not real? Shouldnt good satire smack you in the face? Bad satire should, too. Photo hack job of Livo and Ricky Martin is the responsibility of The Nationals Enquirer)
Something something something, he still throws 86 mph.
He does look good though, he still can't dance.
Posted by: fa-NATS-ic | August 12, 2007 at 12:19 AM