Nats Enquirer

Eff You, Brian Schneider.

"Let's put it this way - I won't be making any plans in October. That's time for baseball."
(Brian Schneider, via PalmBeachPost.com, 2/10/2008)

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Good luck with that overpriced collection of choke-artists in NY, a**hole.

Meanwhile...

The Post's (NY not Wash) Joel Sherman says a healthy Nick The Stick could end up a Yankee (again).

The Boston Globe's Nick Cafardo asks: "What will be better than watching Wily Mo Peña at a brand-new stadium in D.C. on a nice summer night?" The Nationals Enquirer answers: watching Lastings Milledge at a brand-new stadium in D.C. on a nice summer night! Pinch me: can you believe Jimbo tricked the Mets into taking Schneider and Church for Milledge!?

According to our sources, Levale Speigner was spotted queuing up early at Saturday's ballpark job fair...

(Photo by Kathy Willens, AP)

Looking Out For Number 1.

"I know I have at least five to six guys that went out there and pitched for us last year and didn't embarrass themselves. Every one of them that pitched regularly for us had an ERA below 5. I know I have those guys there. We're not searching for them."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 2/10/2007)

Manny lowers the bar for '08 rotation. Wanted: five or six guys he can throw out there who won't embarrass themselves.

Well, we can think of a big fat guy who's looking for a job who fits that bill...

...And is a lock to give you 200+ innings AND might even knock in more runs than Felipe Lopez.

No offense to Hill, Chico, Bergmann, Patterson, Redding, Clippard, Lannan, Balester, Mock, etc., but removing one "If..." from the list of starting candidates would sure feel good. Get Livo.

(AP Photo by Mark J Terrill)

You'd be 'doing really well' too if you married Miss DC 2005 in November.

"If me, Shawn and Bergmann are all healthy and throw 175 to 200 innings, [and hell freezes over] that would be a great rotation."
(John Patterson, via Nationals.com, 2/09/2008)

John P. says he's feeling good, but come on, can't the Nats just sign Livo already!?

(AP Photo)

How I Spent My Winter Vacation

Last time, we said: "The Nationals Enquirer to resume operations next week."

Of course you knew that by "next week" we meant maybe by the time pitchers and catchers report. We're just not quite ready to return yet. Almost, but not quite. Of course you understand. We've been enjoying some time off since the start of the new year, spending our time as follows, in no particular order:

1. Driving around Southeast looking for parking at the new stadium.
2. Denying steroid allegations up on The Hill in front of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.
3. Looking under rocks for Paul Lo Duca and his bum knee.
4. Interviewing (just three times, and I didn't even get to sleep over at Danny's house) for the Redskins job.
5. Avoiding arbitration.
6. Trying to brainstorm witty blog headlines based on the name Katsuhiko Maekawa.
7. Going to keg parties with Jack McGeary. $1.8 million: that's a lotta beer money for a college kid!
8. Praying for the return of Livo.
9. Counting down the days until the first "Alex Escobar hasn't felt this good since highschool and is ready to prove himself" story on Nationals.com, while simultaneously counting down the days until the first "Alex Escobar out indefinitely with a ruptured [insert body part here]" story on Nationals.com.
10. Counting down the days until pitchers and catchers report! 10 to go, right!?
11. Other stuff

See you soon...