Nats Enquirer

Nick, Nats, Nix Fish

"It's kind of like, you live in a cold place, and when you go out and start your car in the morning, you just keep turning it over, keep turning it over. And then, finally, you hear that engine start."
(Ray King, via Washington Post, 4/19/2008)

Nats 6, Marlins 4: Gentlemen, start your engines. At last, some timely hitting (led by Nick J)!

The Tim Redding Journeyman Express rolls on (with a little trouble in the 6th)

Manny's Felipe Lopez leadoff experiment is a hit, at least for one night.

Even rarer than a Nats win? Manny Acta emerging from the dugout to argue a call (yep, on that close call on Guzman at the plate to end the 5th.)

Lo Duca to the DL; Hill makes his long awaited debut tonight (*gulp*).

(AP Photo/J. Pat Carter)

His attitude? Or just the fact they've been sucking?

The headline on Nationals dot com seemed a bit surprising at first glance:

Lopez's attitude earns him two starts

Attitude? Just his attitude? But no. No! Read on:

"We're struggling offensively and he's one of those guys who could get involved and maybe make things happen for us... He's kept a tremendous attitude and worked hard."
(Manny Acta, via Nationals dot com, 4/18/2008)

So there you have it. The formula is: 1 part team suckiness + 1 part tremendous attitude + 1 part hard work = two guaranteed starts AND batting leadoff. Hey, it's working out ok so far for FelipE (2-4, 2R as of the 7th inning tonight...) -- like the motivational poster above says: Your Attitude Almost Always Determines Your Altitude in Life! Dare to Soar, FelipE Lopez!

(inspirational image is from wemotivate dot com. Our sources tell us that's Mannty Acta's one-stop-shop for motivational material)

Enquirer Exclusive! Frank Robinson visits, rips Nats: "This team stinks."

"What I've [done] is stepped back and said, 'Do I miss it? No. And I think what it was, it was probably time for me to do something else. [This team stinks.] "
(Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 4/18/2008)

Ex-Nats skipper Robinson visited with his former club before last night's game at Shea:

Our "sources" tell us Frank promptly ripped the team, tried to pick a fight with Jim Bowden, attempted to make four or five pitching changes during batting practice, then was found 20 minutes later dozing in Manny Acta's office. Robinson unavailable for comment.

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

Nats drop 12th in 14th

"I just tried to throw it too hard, had too much adrenaline going. It [stinks] because these guys battled their [butts] off all day, and one pitch blows the game for us."
(Joel Hanrahan, via Washington Times, 4/18/2008)

Mets 3, Nats 2: It took more than just one wild pitch to blow this one. Lannan deserved better.

Concerns? Nah! Nothing to worry about here!

"Concerns? No. Not at all. Not at all."
(Lenny Harris, via Washington Post, 4/17/2008)

Mets 5, NAAAts 2: It's painful to watch, but at least there's nothing to worry about!

Manny tinkers with lineup to no avail: Another night off for the overhauled offense slumbering NAAAts (not to mention Chico), who wake up this morning with the worst record in baseball.

From first to worst. Remember this?

(AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Enquirer Exclusive! Nats sign New York Gov. David Paterson

Nats add Blind NY Governor to Rotation?

According to sources with no knowledge of the situation, the Washington Nationals have signed New York Governor David Paterson, who is legally blind, to a minor league deal, after seeing Paterson throw out the ceremonial first pitch at last nights game at Shea Stadium. According to sources, the team will either start Shawn Hill or Paterson on Saturday against the Marlins. Of the decision, Jim Bowden reportedly told our sources, "We'll see...pun INTENDED!"

(AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Wright Night

"The biggest thing is the expectations, the pressure on you. This team's built to win now."
(Ryan Church, via Washington Post, 4/16/2008)

Mets 6, Nats 0: Wright (5 RBI), Reyes wreak havoc. Slumbering Nats have no answers for Pelfrey.

Meanwhile...

Hill might debut on Saturday.

Elijah Dukes progressing, will head south alone ahead of team: Hopefully his special man friend James Williams is going with him, too. Something about Dukes heading off to Florida by himself makes us nervous.

Lo Booooooooooca

"I've got a great last name. If they're booing me, I can just say they were saying 'Duc!' ... I got booed mercilessly in Philly, so we'll see what happens. To be honest with you, I really don't care."
(Paul Lo Duca, via Washington Times, 4/15/2008)

Guess we'll have to wait a little longer to see what kind of reception Paul Lo Duca gets from fans on his return to Shea: Lo Duca out of the starting lineup for tonight's game (guess that right hand is still hurting him).

But of course, that didn't stop him from getting cozy with old buddy David Wright earlier this afternoon. Find a room, guys.

There'll be plenty of boos to go around for Lastings Milledge, for sure...

(AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Enquirer Exclusive! Bowden begs Rangers: "Can we have John P. back now, please?"

"He's really making progress. We're excited."
(Rangers pitching coach Mark Connor, via Texas Rangers dot com, 4/14/2008)   

John Patterson making progress, building arm strength for Texas. Patterson hits 95 on radar gun; credits yoga, aromatherapy for improvement.

Meanwhile, Shawn Hill's second rehab start (on Sunday) sure didn't sound too good.

(AP Photo by Nati Harnik)

Enquirer Answers the Mailbag!

It's been a long, long time since the last time we hijacked the Nationals.com Mailbag. So, given the off day today and lack of anything better to do with our time, let's answer the latest edition of the Nationals.com mailbag! As usual, keep those e-mails coming to Nationals.com, and we'll keep copying and pasting them over here and giving our half-assed answers! Here we go:

It's been kind of a rough start for Nats fans. What have you witnessed by way of bright spots that will give the Nats some hope for the rest of the season?
-- P. A., Shio, W.Va.

Yes! The Detroit Tigers; keeping hope alive that the Nats won't finish as the worst team in baseball.

Can you please explain why Jesus Flores was demoted? He is hitting much better than Lo Duca and Johnny Estrada. I know they want him to get better at catching, but isn't he getting more experience in the Major Leagues?
-- J. H., Rockwood, Tenn.

Jesus needs to play every day, etc. etc., just not at the major league level, yet. But yeah, Lo Duca has been a complete bust so far, except that he's always good for a quote ripping his teammates after a bad loss. He's got that reputation for being a 'fiery' clubhouse leader, but based on some of Manny Acta's  quotes in response to Lo Duca questioning the team's effort during the nine game losing streak , he might be rubbing the skipper the wrong way (that sounds weird). Lo Duca's potential for becoming a bad presence in the clubhouse bears watching.

With a serious shakeup needed after their nine-game slide, why haven't the Nats considered bringing up Alex Escobar, who is doing well for Triple-A Columbus. He would be a big improvement over Willie Harris.
-- J. O., Washington, D.C.

Let's go with a multiple choice approach to this one. Complete this sentence: You are _________

a) related or married to Alex Escobar

b) Alex Escobar

c) high on crack

What is Lenny Harris' philosophy on hitting? Does he preach patience?
-- D. O., Winnipeg, Canada.

"Lenny Harris' philosophy on hitting" is a lot like "military intelligence", "pretty ugly", "deafening silence" "jumbo shrimp", etc. etc.. He'll be fired by the All Star break.

What's the story with Clint Everts?
-- M. S., Reston, Va.

You mean the promotions guy they brought over to Nationals Park from RFK, universally hated by all the commenters over at Nationals Journal?

What's the status of Ryan Wagner? When do we expect to see him back?
-- K. H., Alexandria, Va.

Ladson said he'd be back by the All Star break. Our "sources" tell us he'll be back sooner, but we'll go with Ladson's answer to be safe.

Did Johnson lose a bet to someone in the clubhouse? How else do you explain his alleged "haircut?" It looks like it was done by a drunken sailor.
-- C. B. Arlington, Va.

Yes -- in fact, he lost a bet to Da Meat Hook, Something related to who would spend more time on the DL the first two weeks of the season.