"You can only get out of slumps by playing. Your batting average is not going to change if you're not playing.[Spending the rest of the summer fishing is definitely not going to help his average.]"
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 5/23/2008)
Austin Kearns: Loose bodies? Or Gone Fishing?
According to sources with no knowledge of the situation, Austin Kearns' elbow is 'just fine' and he will not have elbow surgery today; rather, Kearns is faking the injury in order to use his time more productively by returning to his home state of Kentucky to go fishing for the rest of the summer. Just what are "loose bodies", anyway? Jim Bowden unavailable for comment.
So, pick one: Langerhans, Escobar, Bernadina, or Maxwell. We say: Alex Escobar! And not just to watch him hit like crazy for 2 weeks until suffering some bizarre injury involving his nose hair.
Unrelated: if you missed it, the Dan Steinberg Sports Bog Machine unearthed video of the infamous Softball Girls incident...
(Video above, Austin Kearns getting mercilessly heckled. Brutal.)