Play the "Replace Austin Kearns on the roster with ______________" game!
In the spirit of kicking a man when he's down, and keeping up with the increasingly-popular "Run Austin Kearns out of Washington!" chorus, we've been calling Jim Bowden's cellphone the last few days with a strategy for choosing a replacement to take AK's roster spot AFTER the team accidentally leaves him behind on the West Coast next week. It goes like this:
1. Pick 8 minor league outfielders at random. 2. Paste their mug shots on a dart board. 3. Throw a dart. 4. If it lands on Kory Casto, repeat step 3.
We've picked 8 players at random from AAA and AA ball. Here's the reasons why any of them would be a better use of a roster spot right now than the beleaguered Mr. Kearns:
- Alex Escobar: Forget his stats through 22 games with Columbus this season (.329 AVG, .357 OBP, .506 SLG, .863 OPS, 3 HR, 14 RBI): AE would be better to have around than AK because it's fun to try and guess what his next, freak, season-ending injury is going to be.
- Garrett Guzman: Forget the fact he got demoted from AAA to AA because of his struggles at the plate, there's one reason and one reason only to consider GG as a replacement for AK (with a hat tip to NTP): GUZMANIA!
- Ryan Langerhans: Forget the fact he's actually hitting in AAA, the return of Ryan Langerhans to the Nats would mean we're that much closer to reuniting the Langerhans/Nook Logan platoon in center, which makes me misty eyed just thinking about it.
- Jorge Padilla: Forget that he's only appeared in 2 games for Columbus since being called up to replace the aforementioned Garret Guzman, he's hitting .667!!1!11!
- Justin Maxwell: Because his name lends itself to one of the most annoying nickname trends in sports: take the player's first initial, then take the first few letters of the last name, stick a hyphen in between 'em, and VOILA! instant nickname: J-Max! Gone are the days of nicknames like "The Toy Cannon" or "The Crime Dog" or "Three Fingers" or "The Sultan of Swat". Anyway, J-Max showed flashes last season, and seems to be heating up (3 HR, 6RBI, 4SB over his last 10 games).
- Roger Bernadina: Because his real name is "Rogearvin", and he's got wheels!
- Kory Casto: Because for a while a few years ago, he was The Answer.
- Dee Brown: Because it can't hurt to have a guy on the roster who won the NBA Dunk Contest back in the day.
(Then again, there's always Kenny Lofton *shudder*)