Nats Enquirer

BATTING SECOND...

...Ok, take deep breaths. Think positive thoughts.

Just don't look at tonight's lineup:

Harris (CF)
Lo Duca (LF) (1B)
Guzman (SS)
Kearns (RF)
Estrada (C!?)
Young (1B)
Belliard (2B)
Estrada (C!?)
Casto (3B)
Langerhans (LF)
Redding (P)

Against Tim Hudson.

Ok, take deep breaths. Think positive thoughts. A reverse lock would seem to be in order, don't you think? Nats take 2 of 3 this weekend, begin the steep climb towards 4th place...

***UPDATE: Yeah, even better. Da Meat Hook out. Langerhans, in!

(AP Photo/Nick Wass)

2nd HALF PREVIEW: MORE CATCHERS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT!

"That wasn't our team the first half. No one in here makes excuses because that's not the type of team we are, and [manager] Manny [Acta] would never let us do that, and he never makes excuses either."
(Ryan Zimmerman, via Washington Times, 7/18/2008)

Limping towards the finish line, here's hoping things get better. 4th place, here they come!

Say what you want about goals, predictions, etc. for the so-called second half, but this much is clear: no matter what happens, no team in baseball will have more backup catching than the Nationals.

Meanwhile...

• Where's the StanSpeak Translator when we need it? Stan Kasten via Washington Post: "We are knocking on the door with pitching..." Really?
• Hood signing = good news. Some nice quotes from AL.com :

Destin's Dad, Dewayne, says Nick Saban will leave a light on for Destin:

"Coach Thompson and Coach (Nick) Saban have made it clear in past conversations that if things didn't work out, the door was still open for him to come back to Alabama on a football scholarship."

...but Destin is not expecting to be a 'washout':

It could be (a possibility)...but we're not looking to be one of those washouts in the minors. We've started my career, and we plan on finishing it in the major leagues."

• All the time in the world: WiMP will have his shoulder cut up on Tuesday.
• Looks like Johnny Estrada's facial hair was drawn on with magic marker up there, doesn't it?
• Holy crap: Zim updated his blog(s) a few days ago!

Those Cheap Bastards!

What's that? They SIGNED Destin Hood? Oh, ok, I misunderstood you. Thought you said something about negotiations shutting down because Hood wanted above-slot cash. Well, ok then. I take it back. One down, four to go.

QUIT NOW? HELL NO!

Dick Heller (Speaking of Dicks, hopefully you didn't miss"The All Dick Team", on Bugs and Cranks, a compilation of the greatest Dicks in the history of baseball) of the Washington Times chimes in this morning with the following advice for the Nationals:

Here's some excellent advice for this terrible team: Don't show up for the season's final 66 games. Throw up a white flag before your remaining fans throw up period. Let all your worthwhile troops heal their wounds and get an early start on fall/winter/spring training. Save yourselves further embarrassment and us further ennui.

A few weeks ago, The Nationals Enquirer threw up, then thew up a white flag, asking if it would be possible to simply forfeit the rest of the season. Granted, it could get ugly around here on the other side of the All Star break, especially when you consider starting the unofficial second half with nine games on the road. But we're gonna make an effort to be more positive around here. So, rather than throw up a white flag, here are two goals for the Nationals to shoot for for the rest of the season:

1. Don't finish with the worst record in baseball. It will take a miracle. But there's still time. And there's still the Seattle Mariners!
2. Catch the Braves: Don't finish in last in the NL East. It would be an unqualified miracle if the Nationals don't finish with the worst record in baseball; even more miraculous would be if the Nationals don't finish last in the NL East.

Meanwhile...

• Mark Zuckerman checks in with his Nationals Report Card. The only grades we might squabble with are C's for Bowden and Acta. We're going to take a closer look; might even check in with our own report card here in the next day or two.
• Interesting piece in the Wall Street Journal on the economic impact of new ballparks, specifically focusing on Nationals Park.
• As the headline on Nationals dot com suggests, "Nats' moves haven't gone as planned."
• Stick it to the fans! Thanks Ted! And on and on it goes: Lerner Family vs. The District, Round 12. City considering raising taxes at Nationals Park to make up for those millions missing in rent payments.

ENQUIRER EXCLUSIVE! BUD SAYS: NATS BACK TO MONTREAL?

"The ratings were so...abysmal, we're having our people look into it, and it's ongoing."
(Bud Selig, via Washington Post, 7/16/2008)

OH NO, CANADA?

According to sources with no knowledge of the situation, Commissioner Bud Selig disclosed yesterday that Major League Baseball is considering buying back The Washington Nationals from the Lerner Family, and that MLB will move the team back to Montreal as soon as the 2009 season. This news came a few hours after Selig discussed the Nationals' 'abysmal' TV ratings, and MLB's plans for instant replay on a limited basis by the playoffs. "Have you seen the TV numbers? Let's face it, Washington just isn't a baseball town," Selig may or may not have told a baseball source. "Well, Montreal isn't a baseball town, either, but even in the final years up there, with the majority of the games untelevised, the Expos still did a better number than THAT!" Lerner family unavailable for comment.

In a separate interview, Selig indicated that despite the impending move to Montreal and the poor TV ratings he supports The Plan (via Fredericksburg Free Lance Star):

"I think they're doing well at the gate, and I think they're on schedule. I understand they'd like to win some more games, but they have a plan. They're sticking to that plan. I think the plan is a very logical one. So the television ratings thing surprised me."

(Screen shot of Bud at his Town Hall Meeting by The Nationals Enquirer Staff)

Sadly, the Nationals won't have home field advantage in the World Series this year.

"In the first inning, I was so nervous. I never played third in my life. We didn't have anymore infielders. He talked to me and he asked, 'Are you going to play third?' I go, 'Why not?'"
(Cristian Guzman, via Nationals dot com, 7/16/2008)

AL 4, NL 3: Almost another tie! This one had Bud squirming in his seat for 15 innings, but AL prevails.

Guzman, ever the team player, played third (he went 0-3, and got caught stealing, but who's counting?). Our 'sources' have debunked a story from last night that Guzman tried to take the field in pre-game ceremonies with the AL, wearing his old Twins cap and jersey.

Meanwhile...

Zim 1-for-5 last night for Potomac. Next stop: Columbus.

(Photo of Cristian Guzman on TV by The Nationals Enquirer staff)

No Curly W for old friend Frank on this night.

Which reminds us: Hey Stan, when IS Frank Robinson Night, anyway?

(Photo of Frank Robinson on TV by The Nationals Enquirer staff)

All-Star Break Boredom.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

Dueling stories on All-Star Guzman in the Post and the Times. Examiner, too. Jimbo reminds us in the Post: "I got ripped on the signing."

Good news: Zimmerman's first day back in A-ball: a success. Hopefully this fast track recovery plan is the best thing for him long term. Hey, how are those contract negotiations going?

More good news: People like the stadium!

Meanwhile...still looking for answers on Alex Escobar's release (via NFA).

You know the situation is bad in the DR when sleezy Scott Boras is calling for changes to the system.

WiMP: NO SHOULDER TO CRY ON.

"This is certainly the main reason that he has struggled all year."
(Jim Bowden, via Nationals Journal, 7/14/2008)

And there you have it. The main reason for WiMP's trail of tears. We believe you, Jim. Wily Mo's lost season all comes down to a small tear and impingement in his left rotator cuff, as well as fraying of the left labrum. Sounds good.

Surgery in the next 7-10 days, see you in Viera in 2009, Wily Mo.

Meanwhile, SBF asks the $10 dollar question, (we added the expletives, for emphasis): "Why is it that each and every [expletive] time one of our [expletive] players gets injured, Our [expletive] Team waits for "some [expletive] time" to find out whether these [expletive] players are always out for "MUCH MORE [EXPLETIVE]  TIME"? The Nationals Enquirer adds: What the [expletive] is going on with the Nationals' medical staff?

Enquirer Exclusive! Our 'sources' (who have no knowledge of the situation) tell us many of the problems with missed-or-too-late diagnoses this season has to do with the Nationals' medical staff frequent use of the classic Milton Bradley (no, not him) boardgame "Operation" (see above) to determine the best course of medical action. Meanwhile, just for fun, let's revisit a couple of recent quotes from team doctor, Dr. Ben Shaffer:

"The constellation of misfortune is striking." (Dr. Ben Shaffer, via Nationals Journal, 7/9/2008)

"The reality is, there are a number of different events that are not related. Most of them are traumatic and unavoidable. I've been involved with other teams where certain years are just bad years, medically, and guys lost a lot of time. If there's any silver lining, perhaps it's recognizing that over time, injury years balance out. Perhaps this means we'll be able to avoid some of these problems in the future." (Dr. Ben Shaffer, via Washington Times, 7/8/2008)

Love those silver linings!

THE ALL-STAR BREAK BEGAN A DAY EARLY IN WASHINGTON

"I'm gonna be the guy on the couch."
(Dmitri Young, via Nationals dot com, 7/13/2008)

Astros 5, NAAAAts 0: No one told the Nationals they had to play a game! A perfectly fitting, lazy Sunday leading up to the Break.

Another sign that Manny Acta might need a little rest more than anyone else: Paul Lo Duca batted second yesterday.

Meanwhile...

• Boswell chimes in on the nasty week that was last week, and asks for sympathy for the Lerners, then reminds you once again that Nationals fans should just shut up and take it when things get bad:

  Relax. A week of bad baseball news beats 33 years without it.

• Mark Zuckerman reminds us that as bad as last week went, it might not have even been the worst week of the season for the Nationals. Scary thought.
• We've chosen to simply ignore the Matt Holliday chatter from Ken Rosenthal (via MLB Trade Rumors dot com). Just seems too far fetched. Sure, the Nats probably have the pieces available to make the trade, and plenty of Ted Lerner's money to sign him to a long term deal (it's a wonder what not paying rent will do for you), but WOULD they commit the resources to sign him long term (especially given Mark Lerner's comments earlier yesterday on Nationals Journal echoing something Stan Kasten told him once)? Hey, I wonder how those Zimmerman negotiations are going?
• Wily Mo will have  a super special MRI done his left shoulder to figure out why he's been sucking.
• If the words of one NL scout quoted by Chico (not Matt) is any indication, Odalis Perez will be a National to the bitter end of the season (via Washington Post dot com):

"For me, I don't think he's even in the rotation. ... But if a team is looking for a tail-end starter, I wouldn't recommend that would be the guy."

• And still more good news.
• Wait, here's some good news, seriously! Even FireJimBowden dot org would have to give Jimbo a little credit, right?

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)