Nats Enquirer

98 LOSSES AND HOLDING

"I will remember this one. I won't forget about it."
(Shairon Martis, via Washington Post, 9/24/2008)

Nationals 9, Marlins 4: Shairon Martis is probably the only person who will remember game #157 of the 2008 campaign.

Knockout punch! NL East spoilers knock Marlins from playoff contention, keep pace in race for Worst Place with the pathetic Mariners, who broke their 12-game losing streak last night.

Meanwhile...

As the season winds down and we scour the ends of the earth for silver linings, we'd like to once again thank Mike Stanton for the gift of Shairon Martis. Or maybe we should be thanking Jim Bowden?

Oh, and another silver lining? Mike Hinckley. Want another? Steven Shell.

Last but not least, see you at Nationals Park in April 2009, Jordan Zimmermann.

(Photo of TV screen by The Nationals Enquirer staff)

EVERYONE, INCLUDING STAN.

"Everyone wants out, and it's entirely because of the Lerners."
(Disgruntled team employee, via Washington Times, 9/23/2008)

Tight-fisted Ted has Stan ready to jump ship?

We said it a month ago, we'll say it again: Stan Kasten hates his job, and he wants out.

Or, at least that's what our "sources" are telling us (*wink* *wink*)

You'd want out too if you were promised complete control, but got your wings clipped by your cheapskate partner boss.

Meanwhile, after reading, then re-reading, then re-re-reading this morning's torch-job by Lemke and Zuckerman in the Washington Times, we conclude that we believe each and every word from each and every anonymous, unnamed source. Come on, it's more fun that way!

(AP Photo by Lawrence Jackson)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

"Records, winning and losing -- for me it's not important."
(Odalis Perez, via Washington Post, 9/22/2008)

Padres 11, Nats 6; Padres 6, Nats 1; Padres 6, Nats 2: Nats (nearly) eliminate Padres from Strasburg Sweepstakes with sweep; unfortunately, the Mariners keep losing, too.

(AP Photo/Luis M. Alvarez)

GO PADRES!

 

"The early returns are that he's one of the top prospects and probably is one of a small handful of guys at the top of the 2009 draft...We want to win every game. You hate losing.[*wink* *wink*]"
(Mike Rizzo, via San Diego Union Tribune, 9/19/2008)

Get swept, baby! Strasburg or bust!

Go ahead, Nationals fans; it's OK. We understand. It's perfectly fine NOT to root, root, root for the home team this weekend against the Padres in the Strasburg Sweepstakes. We're all Padres fans this weekend.

And don't forget: we're all Mariner fans these days, too. Good news: if there's a tie for worst place, Nats own the tie-breaker (also via San Diego Union Tribune):

In the event of a tie for the worst record, the team with the worst record in 2007 would get the first pick. Advantage, Nationals. They went 73-89 last year, followed by the Mariners at 88-74 and the Padres at 89-74.

(Photo by Bob Donnan/US Presswire)

TIMPLOSION!

"Nobody wants - you don't want to be in the situation where you wake up one morning and Johan Santana has won eight games all season and you owe him $150 million. That's the thing. You see a lot of guys for $150 million, but we're going to stick with what we're doing. We're going to take a lot of heat from you and everybody else, but I think you're starting to see it."
(Mark Lerner, via Nationals Journal, 7/13/2008)

Mets 7, Nationals 2: The good news is, the Lerner Family didn't wake up this morning with a $150 million ace on the payroll. Santana shuts down Nats; Redding stinks out the joint.

Brian Schneider gets his name in the paper.

Mets forced to choke post-season dreams away without help from Nats

Hey, we love The Tim Redding Journeyman Express as much as the next guy, but do they really have to go into 2009 with a #3 as #1? Open your checkbook, and bring us the big fat head of C.C. Sabathia, you cheap bastards.

Meanwhile...

• Call it what  you will: Tragic Number, Worst place, Strasburg Cup, Strasburg Sweepstakes, etc. etc. Does it make you a bad fan to be rooting for the Padres this weekend?
• Like Stan said, they got the attendance they deserve. Nats' revenues stink, too.
• God bless the headline writers over at Nationals dot com: "2009 should be exciting for Nationals". Love it. We've got goosebumps!
• Unfortunately, we won't be able to attend this afternoon's "State of the Nationals" event with Jim Bowden and Mike Rizzo at ESPNZone (which, for the record, has the distinction of serving the worst AND most overpriced food in the District). Here's one question we'd like to ask Jimbo: "Jim, are you the reason Stan Kasten hates his job?"
• More on Nats' AAA move to 'Cuse.

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

METS ALMOST BLOW IT (AGAIN)

"We are firm believers, that until the last out, we've got a chance."
(Wil Nieves, via Washington Post, 9/18/2008)

Mets 9, Nationals 7: ...until the last out, there's always a chance that the choke-artist Mets will blow it. If not for Shairon Martis, it'd be a sweep on tap tonight.

Meanwhile...

Injury shocker! Kearns, Flores, Young, Belliard, not day-to-day!

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

CHOKE-TASTIC!

"I've said all along this is a little bump in the road. This is not about what Philadelphia does. This is about what the New York Mets do."
(David Wright, via NY Daily News, 9/17/2008)

Nationals 1, Mets 0: Spoiler alert! Odalis aces gagging Mets.

The headline in this morning's NY Post says it best: "Division Lead Goes Up in Choke in D.C."

(AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

ENQUIRER EXCLUSIVE! NATS' YOUTH MOVEMENT CONTINUES

"The view is the same for all [teams] except the front dog. And we're all just trying to be the front dog, so we don't have to look at that view. That view smells." 
(Jim Bowden, via Washington Post, 9/11/2008)

...and another view that smells, Jim? The diaper changing view! But we wouldn't trade for the world.

After 146 games this season, The Nationals Enquirer is shutting down for this weekend's three game series with Florida to enjoy the arrival of our second kid. He's a lefty, with a fastball clocked in the upper-90's.

Jimbo, if you're reading this: my kid's got better stuff than Strasburg. You know where to reach me if you want to give him a look.

BIG APPLE DUKES CIRCUS

"He had a very good game. I think everybody knows that he has worked very hard this year, and the Nationals have worked very hard with him to work on his temper. He has been great the whole season. It's unfortunate what happened tonight, but he's human."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Times, 9/11/2008)

"What the [bleeeeeeeeep] is there to talk about?"
(Elijah Dukes, via Washington Post, 9/11/2008)

Mets 13, Nationals 10: Shea it isn't so! Nats go toe-to-toe with NL East leading choke-artists, lose another slugfest.

Elijah Dukes manages to piss off the entire city of New York; or, at least the NY papers. And possibly, some of his teammates.

What's really, really, interesting are the quotes from some of his teammates in the aftermath of his antics last night (which included, but weren't limited to: challenging Mike Pelfrey to 'bring it on', gesturing to/egging on Met fans). It seems he may have pissed off some corners of the clubhouse:

Ryan Zimmerman: "He's an emotional player, but I don't know if there's really a place for that in this kind of game"

Lastings Milledge: "Don't make him out to be a bad guy. The guy loves the game. The guy plays the game hard. I don't think he did anything wrong."

(AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

"TOUGH NIGHT FOR PITCHERS"

"It was a tough night for pitchers."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 9/10/2008)

Mets 10, Nationals 8: Slugfest. No spoilers at Shea last night.

Worst of all: Luis Ayala looks like Luis Ayala again.

Once again, welcome back Dmitri Young. We'll set the over/under for the number of at-bats he gets these last few week at 4, and take the under.

(AP Photo/Kathy Willens)