Nats Enquirer

Enquirer Exclusive! Dick Cheney still doesn't believe waterboarding is torture, but admits watching the Washington Nationals is.

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci - Dick Cheney is all smiles, above, clearly having a blast at yesterday's 8-6 Nationals loss to the Phillies at Nationals Park.)

Cheney tells sources: waterboarding is okay, watching the Nationals, "inhumane".

According to anonymous, unnamed sources with no knowledge of the situation, former VP Dick Cheney admitted after attending yesterday's latest debacle by the Washington Nationals that although he still does not believe waterboarding is torture, he believes watching the Washington Nationals is. Mr. Cheney told sources he doesn't believe it should be condoned as an interrogation tactic and instrument of U.S. Foreign Policy. Nancy Pelosi unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile...

DC Council wins ticket fight with Fenty.

Steinberg on Nationals Tarp fail Saturday night.

Good luck, Ross Detwiler. Hate to tell you, but it'll probably take a complete game shutout if you're hoping for a "W".

Follow The Nationals Enquirer on Twitter.

 

Oh Jesus, not again!

 
 

"I don't know if it was the crowd or what, but I can't see it. I can't catch it if I can't see it."
(Anderson Hernandez, via Chatter/Washington Times, 5/17/2009)

"I throw it on the bag. Anderson, he thought Zimmerman was throwing the ball, not me."
(Jesus Colome, via Washington Post, 5/17/2009)

Phillies 8, NAAAtionals 6: Swept. Yes, the inevitable bullpen meltdown (courtesy of Tavarez & Colome) came in the 8th, with a little help from Anderson Hernandez (He didn't see it.)

Manny's answer to the madness? Simple: An eight man bullpen. An EIGHT man bullpen. A BLEEPING EIGHT MAN BULLPEN!? In other words, one more option for blowing the game late, Manny!?!?

"We're thinking about that right now, because the pace we're going at right now, we're probably going to need an extra guy over there..." (Manny Acta, via Washington Post/Nationals Journal)

God help us all. At this rate, at 11-25, there's no way Manny makes it through the end of the month (not that we think it matters who's driving this bleeping trainwreck set up by Jim Bowden, but unnamed, anonymous sources say Manny is on the ropes.)

Meanwhile...

Boz hints that the Nats are on pace for historical badness.

Follow The Nationals Enquirer on Twitter.

(Photos of Colome-to-Anderson on TV by The Nationals Enquirer Staff)

View from the Cheap Seats

 

Hey! I can see Mark Lerner from here!

A big, big, big Thank You to Todd Webster and everyone from MASN for hosting The Nationals Enquirer along with an All Star cast of bloggers from the Natosphere yesterday afternoon at Nationals Park. An excellent afternoon watching the game from MASN's suite (by Chris Needham's estimation, within beer-can tossing distance of The Lerner Family's suite) with meet-and-greets with Bob Carpenter and Rob Dibble (they're not lying, the view from the TV booth really IS as high up as they say it is), Johnny Holiday and Ray Knight, and visits from MASN's Pete McElroy and Debbie Taylor, Ben Goessling from Washington Times, and the Nationals' Chartese Burnett and Lisa Pagano.

Good to meet fellow bloggers Cathy (aka Miss Chatter), Steve from FJB (just don't ask him about Jim Bowden, okay? He's over it), Mike from Nationals FanboyLooooser, SBF and Sohna from Nats320, Ed from Federal Baseball, Dave & Cheryl from Nats News Network, Stephanie and Kristen from We've Got Heart (hat tip to Kristen for putting this event together!), Chris Needham,  and Brian from NFA.

(Photo of Mark Lerner taking in Game 1 of Saturday's doubleheader against the Phillies from the Lerner Family's suite via Nationals Enquirer staff.)

Double Downer

"Long day. And we got ourselves on a losing streak in two days."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 5/17/2009)

Day/Night Nightmare

Raul Ibanez 8, Nationals 5: Soft tossin' Scott Olsen gets hit hard, now he's off to the DL due to shoulder tendinitis.

Raul Ibanez 7, Nationals 5: A rain-shortened end to the Daniel Cabrera Era in DC. Not so fast! Manny Acta was "encouraged".

Ross Detwiler to start Monday.

(AP Photo)

All's not well that ends with Wells.

 

"It's just one of those cases where the bullpen's struggling a little bit"
(Joe Beimel, via Washington Post, 5/16/2009)

Joe Beimel, with the understatement of the year.

Phillies 10, Nationals 6: *Sigh*. The bullpen, again. Kip Wells runs out of gas in the 12th. 

Love the offense, though... 

Follow The Nationals Enquirer on Twitter.

(AP Photo by Nick Wass)

Jesus is not necessarily the answer...

...but Logan Kensing certainly isn't.

Welcome Back, Jesus Colome (and Josh Bard). Farewell, Mr. Kensing.

Pete McElroy of MASN dot com has Manny Acta's pregame comments on Jesus Colome, where Manny indicates Jesus won't be stepping into the closer role, at least not right away.

He's going to be part of our bullpen and he's going to be pitching in the middle of games and we'll see if he can throw the ball the way he threw for us in Spring Training and they way he was throwing in Triple-A. He's a guy, over the last two seasons here, has done a good job for us, always reliable, resilient and still has a good arm and we like what we saw in Spring Training where he showed up with better command of his pitches and threw well for us. (via MASNSports dot com)

Meanwhile, the news on Jesus Flores' 15-day trip to the DL isn't good, but the move is retroactive to May 10th; so he's almost 1/3 of the way done. Over at Chatter, Ben Goessling reports "Manny Acta said Flores shouldn't be out any longer than his 15 days." It's a good thing this isn't 2008, or you could kiss Jesus goodbye until at least July with talk like that.

Follow The Nationals Enquirer on Twitter. 

(Photo of Jesus Coming Soon sign in Maui, HI by The Nationals Enquirer staff on location honeymooning in Hawaii in 2004)

Stadium-hater Fenty still withholding tickets from DC Council.

 

"It's unbelievable we're been put through this."
(D.C. Council Chairman Vince Gray, via WTOP dot com, 5/14/2009)

Would-be Stadium-Killer-turned-Mayor continues to block DC Council's access to Nats tickets.

(Memo to Vince Gray and DC Council - you should probably be thanking Mr. Fenty. Have you heard how crappy this team is?)

via WTOP:

As part of the stadium lease, the District receives 86 season tickets, including two sky suites. In past years, the tickets have been shared between the mayor and the councilmembers.

Many, many weeks later, and "The Honorable" Adrian Fenty is still withholding tickets from the DC Council, for some vague reason involving the District Budget and/or his personality clash with Vince Gray, and/or DC politics being DC politics.

Remember: Back in the day, Mr. Mayor wanted to kill the very idea of Nationals Park, but now he's having a blast up in the District's suite. What a jerk.

Memo to the DC Council (via Stan Kasten): while you wait for Fenty to cough up your tickets, there are still plenty of good seats available, night in and night out! (We suggest the $10 Upper Right Field Terrace Cheap seats + a crisp $20 bill to an usher down in the $80 dugout-level boxes and Voila! Great seats for just $30!)

Follow The Nationals Enquirer on Twitter.

(Getty Images)

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Nationals 6, Giants 3: Ryan Zimmerman's hit streak, dead at 30. Also, Nats (latest) streak of excruciating losses, dead at 3.

Also, Shairon Martis' winning streak, alive at 5. That's 5-0, folks.

Kip Wells and Joe Beimel thought about trying to blow it in the 8th and 9th, respectively, but it just didn't work out.

Steinberg called it earlier today.

Follow The Nationals Enquirer on Twitter.

(Photo of Ryan Zimmerman and Nick Johnson exchanging a sort-of awkward post-game high-five from Getty Images)

Joe Blow

 
"We have tried everybody and their cousins, and we still can't get anybody to put a zero up in the eighth and the ninth innings. And that's really just killing us. It's very discouraging to waste the type of offense that we're displaying out there for a month and a half now and we still don't have much to show for it."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 5/13/2009)

Giants 9, Nationals 7: Beimel makes like everybody and their cousins, blows it with 2 outs, 2 strikes in the 9th. Damn you, Pablo Sandoval.

Don't worry, there's always Mike MacDougal waiting in the wings.

Ryan Zimmerman extends his hit streak to 30.

Another mixed bag from Jordan Zimmermann.

Meanwhile, the Washington Times gamer hints that there might be trouble brewing in the clubhouse, in the form of "growing discontent"... should we be surprised?

Acta has tried Hanrahan. He has tried Julian Tavarez. He has tried Kip Wells. And he has tried Beimel. The only thing that has changed is the name on the back of the uniform, leaving the beleaguered manager with growing discontent in his clubhouse and few answers for how to remedy the problem.

Follow The Nationals Enquirer on Twitter.

(AP Photo)

Giant Meltdown.

"I don't want to [expletive] talk to nobody."
(Daniel Cabrera, via Chatter/Washington Times, 5/12/2009)

"This is major league baseball, this is the big leagues, and the difference between these kids and the kids in the minor leagues is the mental aspect of it and being consistent. You ought to be able to put those things behind you."
(Manny Acta, via Nationals Journal, 5/12/2009)

Giants 11, Nationals 7: Shockingly, Daniel Cabrera comes undone in ghastly fifth, with a little help from Josh Willingham. Here's what $2.6 million gets you: 4.2 IP, 8H, 8R, 3ER, 6BB, 1 HBP, 1 WP.

Can't they just leave him behind on the West Coast after Wednesday's game?

Shockingly, Cabrera didn't want to talk to the media after the game! Even more shockingly, Manny says his spot in the rotation is safe.

Raise your hand if you turned off the game when Logan Kensing made his way from the bullpen to relieve Cabrera in the fifth.

Ryan Zimmerman extends hitting streak to 29 games with 4-hit (2HR) night.

(AP Photo/Ben Margot)