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April 01, 2012


The source was Jim Bowden, our new President of Baseball Operations.


Well done.

Bowden was named President by Dan Snyder upon his surprise purchase of the club. Dan issued a statement promising to avoid wasting money on unproven talent like Harper and only sign proven players. As proof of his commitment, he immediately traded for Manny Ramirez and signed both Magglio Ordonez and Johnny Damon to $100M 7 year contracts.

Well done. How long have you been plotting ths one?

Harper also announced that after careful consideration, he is changing his sports fan allegiances to the Pirates, the Lions, the Clippers and Northwestern.

You probably have given a few people heart palpitations not realizing today is April 1st.

Further, Harper was so distressed that the U.S. failed to qualify for the Olympics in soccer, he is dedicating the next four years maximizing his soccer skills and has signed a contract to join DC United in preperation for the 2016 games.

Good for him. "Professional Baseball Player" is a ludicrous career choice. Someday he'll be happily writing advertising copy for processed food and wondering what he was thinking.

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