Nats Enquirer

Enquirer answers the mailbag!

Back by popular demand, The Nationals Enquirer answers the latest intstallment of the Nationals dot com Mail Bag! The correct answers are available on Nationals dot com; now we'll give it a shot.

Keep those e-mails coming to Nationals beat writer Bill Ladson, and we'll keep copying and pasting them over here and giving our half-assed answers. Thanks a bunch.

What are the chances of Alfonso Soriano winning the National League MVP this year? He has done everything he can for the Nationals to be a competitive team and has been able to hit at spacious RFK stadium.
-- C.V., Norwalk, Conn.

No chance of winning but he'll probably get a few votes - which is a shame. A player putting up big numbers on a last place team should not even get a sniff of the MVP award (yeah, we're talking about you, A-Rod). Voting for a player on a last place team is about as dumb as NOT voting for a player because he's a DH (yeah, David Ortiz got robbed last season).

Thrown chairs, angry tirades, finger pointing: It looks like the Nationals are imploding right before our eyes. This does not look good to the fans.
-- A.K. Wilmington, N.C.

Yup, the Nats are going completely Jerry Springer on us. And to think, Jose Guillen isn't even around...

Kearns seems to have the potential to be a good player for the Nats. What do you think?
-- D.K. Wilmington, N.C.

This much we know: Kearns has a better chance of making Jim Bowden look good in the long run for The Deal than does Felipe Lopez.

Will Jon Rauch get a chance to be in the rotation soon?
-- R.D., Montreal

Here's a more important question - Jon Rauch vs. Grizzly Adams? Who wins?

The decision to put Alfonso Soriano in the leadoff position was a stroke of genius. However, now that we know he can hit home runs at RFK stadium and with the arrival of Felipe Lopez, isn't it time to move him to the No. 3 spot?
-- Centreville, Va.

Really, who cares at this point. I don't know. Keep Soriano where he's happy and maybe that will be one less reason for him to sign elsewhere in the offseason.

It looks like Ryan Church is taking advantage of another shot with the team. Will he stay up for good?
-- S.V., Centreville, Va.

Really, who cares at this point. I don't know. We're still upset that Brandon Watson was sent down to New Orleans and eventually got claimed off waivers by the Reds.

Why does everyone seem so high on Brian Schneider? He would be a respectable backup catcher but nothing more.
-- J.S., Alexandria, Va.

Who is this "everyone" that you speak of? Respectable backup catcher? You're too kind...

When Kasten helped rebuild the Braves, did his GM, Bobby Cox, restock the farm system through trades or the draft?
-- J.W., Hampton, Va.

Yes - he did.

Why was Soriano not traded at the deadline? I think that he is great player who can be a cornerstone piece for this franchise, but I thought that the whole reasoning with shopping him around and taking offers for him was that they didn't think they could sign him long term. Why did the Nationals have such a sudden change of heart on their thoughts of signing him long term?
-- J.M., Bath, Maine.

Oh please, give us a break with that crap. That's a dumbassed question. Go to hell. Or Maine, whatever.

With Daryle Ward's solid numbers, why doesn't he get more starts?
-- P.H., Arlington, Va.

You tell us where to put him, and then we'll tell you why he doesn't get more starts.

R-OUCH

"Fortunately for me, I didn't miss the pitch that he threw me." (Michael Tucker, via NY Post, 8/14/2006)

Michael Tucker. Michael Tucker? Michael Tucker!?

Tucker takes Rauch deep in 8th; Mets beat Nats 3-1. You've got to be kidding me. Michael Tucker?

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a Nationals uniform: Schneider & Anderson pitch in with costly errors in the 7th.

Yay. Soriano hits 200th HR of his career -- but grounds out with the bases loaded and two out in the 7th when it really counted.

Best start of the year by Tony (sore)Arm-as (7 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 5 K) is wasted.

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Harp-breaker:

The Hollywood ending would have gone something like this: The 30 year old minor league lifer steps to the plate in the 9th inning of a 3-1 game, called on to pinch hit in just his 3rd major league at bat, his team trailing at home with two outs and two on in the bottom of the 9th. The rookie, grizzled and weary from years of riding buses to lonely minor league outposts, steps to the plate against the other team's dominating closer, AND (cue the music, please)......hits a long home run to win the game, gets mobbed by his teammates as he reaches home plate, while the crowd, in a frenzy, chants his name. The credits roll, the lights go up, and everyone goes home happy. Maybe after the game, surrounded by reporters and microphones, the rookie talks philosophically about the long road that has led to this moment, those long bus rides from Utica and  New Orleans to the outer reaches of professional baseball.

Instead, Brandon Harper popped out (on a nice sliding catch by Delgado in foul territory) to end the game.

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

Schneider Gone Wild!

In most productive moment of the season, Brian Schneider kicks a chair, launches into profanity-laced tirade after Frank questions pitch selection and reporters question his health.

"There are 160 pitches a game. If someone wants to say something about one pitch during the game, then he has that opinion, and he's entitled to that opinion. But, obviously, we don't want to throw a pitch where it was. If the pitch is in a different location, then we would have a different result. That's all I have to say about that pitch. I didn't throw the pitch...I'm not going to talk about who and what pitch. You can talk to Rauch about it." (Brian Schneider, via Nationals dot com, 8/13/2006)

Schneider, in the midst of a large group of reporters after the game, was asked if he was okay. "I'm not hurt," he said sharply. Uncharacteristically, he stormed back to the players' lounge, slamming a chair on the way. "How many times do I have to say it?" he shouted. (via Washington Post, 8/13/2006)

Nats' Pen Can't Hold Mets

"Those kids out there are going to be inconsistent." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/13/2006)

Mets 6, NAAAtionals, 4.

Bergmann not bad, but Hughes & Schroder can't hold down the best team in the NL.

Nats make a game of it, battle back from 4-1 down on the backs of Soriano & Johnson to tie, but Schroder gives up a pair for the loss.

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

I want my two dollars!

"MASN's programming is very expensive to distribute. It will cost literally hundreds of millions of dollars over the next decade. These are costs that ultimately will have to be borne by cable customers. Comcast does not intend to profit from the carriage of this new network, but its significant cost makes it necessary to pass along a price increase to our customers." (Johnny the Paperboy in Better Off Dead Comcast Executive Vice President David L. Cohen, via Washington Post, 8/12/2006)

Comcast to jack up rates by $2 a month to carry MASN, Nats.

And, surprise! That Sept. 1 date has already slipped (we still say there is no chance that a single Nats game airs this season on Comcast. See you in '07!)

Comcast said the price increase would affect about 1.6 million customers in the Baltimore-Washington corridor who will start receiving the channel around Sept. 8 -- three weeks before the Nationals' season ends. (via Washington Post 8/12/2006)

Ok a-holes, we give up. You can have our two dollars. Just give us our Nats already.

Slick Billy Collars Mutts

"More than what we expected, exactly what I needed." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/12/2006)

Slick Outshines Glavine: Traber Terrific, Tosses 7 Strong. Livan who*?

Nats nip Mets, 2-1. Here they come! First place only 18 1/2 away!

Rauch & the Chief pitch in with a pair of scoreless innings (both make it interesting, work out of jams)

Schneider leads the charge, offensively. We'll say it again in case you didn't believe it the first time: Schneider leads the charge offensively. 2-3, 2 RBI.

*AZ debut for the The Former Ace foiled by FLA.

(Photo by Kevin Wolf/AP)

Wag, The Dog

"You know what you have going in. And what you hope you do, is you hope you get a decent performance out of them when you call on them." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/11/2006)

Marlins 9, Nationals 6.

Nats battle back to tie from 6-2 down with big 7th, but Wagner blows it in the 8th: 3 hits, a walk, a wild pitch, and 2 runs. (not to say they would've scored again, but...)

Hey Krivsky, how about a Wagner (so far a 13.50 ERA in 4.2 IP, 7 H, 7 ER, 2 HR, 1 HBP, 4BB,)-for-Tex (damaged goods) deal, straight up?

It doesn't add up: 9 H + 14 LOB Wed. night =  W. 10 H + 11 LOB last night =  L? Pitching, pitching, pitching...

*yawn* another HR and outfield assist for Soriano.

(Photo by Kevin Wolf/AP)

Krybaby

"I don't know what we may or may not do." (Wayne Krivsky, via Reds dot com, 8/9/2006)

Wayne's Big Blowout With The Big Blowhard over Tex:

"I said some things I wanted him to hear. Then he countered and I countered and he countered and I countered and he countered and I countered and then he countered and I countered and he countered and I countered and so forth and so on." (Krivsky, via Reds dot com, 8/09/2006)

Krivsky crying foul:  might file a grievance over "damaged goods" Majewski.

And so forth and so on. Silly really, all of it. Everybody knew Majewski had a sore arm. That is, everybody except the Reds.

(Photo by Tom Uhlman/AP)

Hello, Sunshine

"I'll be hitting in three months. I'll be ready next year, spring training. Hundred percent. No doubt in my mind I'll be ready by spring training." (Jose Guillen, via Washington Post, 8/10/2006)

Guillen stops by to clean out his locker and let everybody know he's recovering just fine from elbow surgery, thank you very much.

Oh yeah, he'll be back.* No doubt in his mind.

*Just not in Washington. Maybe Japan? Maybe the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks will come calling?

Big Deal: Livan Gone

Nats deal Livo to AZ for a pair of young arms.

Not a good move. A GREAT move by Bowden & Co. (thank you, Mike Rizzo). In Chico and Mock the Nats get a couple of prospects, and get the added benefit of clearing $7 million off the books for next season (still paying $2 million this year).

*Ahem* Don't forget, we called it this morning at 6:30, hours before the rest of the world smartened up:

The Nats weren't able to sneak Livan through waivers, so he'll be sticking around for the rest of the season. On an unrelated note, after an 0-3 day at the plate yesterday, Livo is now hitting his weight (.267)." (via The Nationals Enquirer, 8/7/2006)

There is the little itty bitty question of who's going to eat up all those innings on the NAAAtionals staff for the rest of this season, but hey, Billy Traber's back! Chris Shroder! Someone get Roy Corcoran on the phone, quick! Fire up the New Orleans-to-Washington shuttle!

So long, Livan, you'll be missed. (We'll miss your bat, too.)

(Photo by Chris Park/AP)