Nats Enquirer

Gutterball

"Then there's times when I throw a fastball...ugh, it's like throwing a bowling ball up there sometimes."
(John Patterson, via Washington Post, 3/16/2008)

A bad day at the bowling alley for John P: 4IP, 8H, 6R...and that deceptively slow fast ball?

Don't worry, there's always Ryan Langerhans

"I know that I'll be ready within a day or two. It's just a little soreness right now."
(Elijah Dukes, via Nationals Journal, 3/14/2008)

Sure, that's what Alex Escobar said.

Damn. Dukes strains his hamstring, they're calling it "day-to-day"; Dukes calls it a day or two.

As if the news on Wily Mo's oblique wasn't bad enough.

But the Rob Mackowiak/Ryan Langerhans platoon sure has a nice ring to it, huh?

Enquirer Exclusive! No parking spaces available for the Pope Mobile?

"What a load of crap."
(Pope Benedict XVI, via The Nationals Enquirer, 3/14/2008)

No parking available for the Pope Mobile at Nationals Park? Pope Benedict XVI may be forced to ride Nats Express April 17! 

A source with no knowledge of the situation tells The Nationals Enquirer that due to a lack of available parking, Pope Benedict XVI may be forced to park the Pope Mobile at RFK Stadium and take the Nats Express shuttle bus to Mass at Nationals Park on April 17. Meanwhile, Metro officials have offered to allow the Pope to pay a special "reduced fare" if he decides to ride Metro. Stan Kasten unvailable for comment.

Meanwhile...

• Who needs Jeff Weaver? We've got Tim Redding! FelipE to the Cubs?
• Washington Times says Paul the Pusher may catch tomorrow.
• Jimbo on Guzman (via Washington Times): "His best years should be ahead of him."
• Marc Fischer's must-read in yesterday's Washington Post: "Feds Working Overtime to Kill Stadium Parking Possibility"
• Larry Broadway!?

Wily No!

"I've always said: Injuries create opportunities."
(Jim Bowden, via Washington Post, 3/14/2008)

"When I hit the last [ball], I had to put the bat down and cry. It was [hurting]."
(WMP, via Nationals.com, 3/13/2008) 

Sounds like Jimbo is ready to move on to a new man-crush (hello, Elijah) as greatest BP slugger of all time is out with a strained oblique.

Wait a second: Wily Mo Pena cries!?

Svrluga says: Nats "preparing for the possibility that [WMP] could be out as many as six weeks."

That's what you get for swinging for the fences, Wily Mo.

(AP Photo/Phelan M. Ebenhack)

I'm worried about Zimm's hip.

"I feel fine. It's just a little tweak. It's nothing serious."
(Ryan Zimmerman, via Nationals.com, 3/12/2008)

Sure, that's what Alex Escobar said.

Zimm sitting out tonight, out out again tomorrow.

But nothing to worry about, right!? Something about the thought of Aaron Boone is making me feel a little sick.

Meanwhile...WMP also out with a strained oblique...

O'Boy! O'pening Night Starter!

Move over Hanrahan! (5 inning) no-no for O'Co! Forget the shaky first and the 3 walks: Mike O'Connor's final line: 5IP, 0H, 3BB, 2R, 4K

Meanwhile...

Nats blogs abuzz with news of Nats letting fans vote for new ballpark PA soundtrack!

(Photo by Danny Moloshok/AP)

Holy Joely!

Forget Weaver! We've got Hanrahan!

3 IP, 0R, 1H, 8 K's!? Who needs Jeff? We've got Joel!

Oh yeah, Patterson pitched three scoreless last night, too.

Meanwhile...

• Still no Opening Night starter...but there's always Odalis Perez now that he's got his Visa problems straightened out.
• Uh oh? Zimm's hip flexor.
• Hill, pain free!

(Photo by Eric Risberg/AP)

At 70, George "The Animal" Steele in better shape than Da Meat Hook?

"To meet George 'The Animal' Steele, it's like, 'Wow,' he is in great shape,"
(Dmitri Young, via Nationals.com, 3/10/2008)

National Zoo: The Animal visited on Monday. A crane visited on Sunday

Thom Loverro's BFF George Steele (now 70) pays a visit to the Nats in Viera. Come to think of it, Mike Bacsik bears a striking resemblance...

Meanwhile...

• Balester, Mock, Clippard, and a boatload of guys I've never heard off get cut. Sadly, the One Man Wrecking Machine Luis Jimenez finally got the axe.
• Apparently, one more train solves it. Way to Go: The real, official details on getting to the ballpark. (no hang gliders)
• You know, maybe it IS time to start worrying about Matt Chico...
• Even though we can't seem to find the other 9,999 parts in the series, it doesn't take away from this being one of our top 5 favorite Guz headlines ever.

Batista's back! Batista's back! (well, sort of)

"We don't really have a position for him, but at the end of the day, you know what kind of bat he is going to give you. Whether there's enough room at the end of the day, I don't know. We'll sort it out."
(Bret Aaron Bob Boone, via Nationals.com, 3/10/2008)

At the end of the day, I don't know either.

Tony Batista, Welcome Home!

Nats immediately put some of the money they didn't give to Zimmerman to good use, sign Tony Batista to a Jim Bowden Special. (Chris Booker, too.)

And, I know it's probably been posted here at least 50 times before, but let's not pass up one more chance to post the above video of Tony scaring the crap out of a guy over in Japan a few years ago. Fantastic.

Shawn shut down, shot up, or simply sitting out?

"I had to cut it off. I wasn't feeling 100 percent. I wasn't happy with it. It wasn't all that bad. It was kind of the same. We were hoping for improvement. Whatever program they have for me, I'm still on it."
(Shawn Hill, via Nationals.com, 3/8/2008)

"I don't know how to answer that question, because I know his ligament's fine. I know the nerve is fine. We don't know why he's having pain there. We haven't had a doctor or anyone be able to tell us exactly what it is. So I don't know, that's the way I'd have to answer you right now."
(Jim Bowden, via Chatter, 3/8/2008)

"He's just delayed. It's not completely shut down. He's just going to rest it some more and then see how it feels."
(Manny Acta, via Nationals Journal, 3/8/2008)

What the Hill? Cortisone shot, or hyperbaric chambers and yoga like Patterson?

Nobody seems to have an answer about Shawn Hill. But, thankfully, the Nats signed Livo this offseason Sidney Ponson is still available!

And, there's always Mike Bacsik.

(Photo by Maritime and Coastguard Agency UK)