Nats Enquirer

I Love NY!

(AP Photo/Nick Wass. Jerry Manuel, making his case for Manny Acta one series at a time.)

"Two wins in a row, you can't beat that."
(Craig Stammen, via Washington Post, 7/23/2009)

Stammen Delivers!

Nats 3, Mets 1: It's just a shame they can't play the Mets every day.

Holy shit!Two wins in a row!

The headline in this morning's NY Post : "METS DROP SERIES TO BASEBALL'S WORST".

Meanwhile...

Uh oh...Oh crap. Jordan Zimmermann to the 15-day DL with a sore elbow. But he says, "I'm not really concerned at all," so you shouldn't be either. *Gulp*. Balester up, starts tonight.

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Celebrate!

 

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais. Riggleman and McCatty celebrate the first win of the Jim Riggleman Era by dancing.)

"John was just so outstanding tonight."
(Jim Riggleman, via Washington Post, 7/22/2009)

Lannan's CG = Riggles' 1st Curly W.

Nats 4, Mets 0: John Lannan is *the* F#cking Man.

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Martin Short, Livan Large

(AP Photo. Can we have Livo back?)

"...besides my balls being up a little bit, I felt OK."
(J.D. Martin, via Washington Times, 7/21/2009)

'62 Mets, here they come!

Mets 6, NAAAts 2: So that's why it took J.D. Martin 8 years to reach the majors?

Nats no match for Livo, again

More good news: Scott Olsen, done for the year.

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Julian Tavarez gets dumped by his 600-pound J-Lo.

 

(AP Photo. Julian Tavarez: Looking for love in all the wrong places.)

"They made the right decision. I just wish I would have done a better job - that we would have done a better job. I'm a professional. I just didn't do my job."
(Julian Tavarez, via Washington Times, 7/20/2009)

Strap on your beer goggles: Julian Tavarez, DFA.

And so, as we close the book on the Julian Tavarez Era in Washington, let's take a moment to revisit the greatest quote in the brief history of the Washington Nationals, issued by JT after signing with the team at the end of March:

"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavarez said then. "When you go to a club until 4 a.m. and [are] just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me, this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's four in the morning. Too much to drink. All the girls look hot. So the Nationals are Jennifer Lopez to me."

And now, the 600-pounder has kicked Julian Tavarez to the curb. Sad. In truth, it sounds like Julian led quite a lonely existence during his tenure with the Nats (via Washington Post 7/20/2009):

In Washington, Tavárez lived in a single room at the Capital Skyline Hotel, just a few blocks from the ballpark. He kept no friends in the city, and did little else but wake up, work out, prepare to pitch, and pitch.

And recently, pitch very, very, badly. Godspeed, Julian Tavarez. Best of luck to you as you strap on your beer goggles and try to pick up your next 600-pounder. She's out there waiting for you, somewhere.

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Breakdown.

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci. It can't get any worse. Right?)

"Today was a step backwards - just a breakdown all the way around on the ballclub."
(Jim Riggleman, via Washington Times, 7/20/2009)

Fire Jim Riggleman.

Swept Away

Cubs 11, NAAAts 3 (Sunday): Yuck. A seven-run fourth, and the rout is on...

Cubs 6, Nats 5 (Saturday): A Sori state of affairs.

Welcome to the Big Leagues, J.D. Martin.

Welcome back Logan Kensing. Farewell, Julian Tavarez.

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Hey Joe Beimel: YOU *bleeping* SUCK!

(AP Photo. Dear Nats fans: "Ordinary Joe" Beimel doesn't think YOU care enough.)

"I've been kind of shocked no one gives you a hard time around here. Maybe they just don't care enough."
(Joe 0-5 Beimel, via Washington Post, 7/18/2009)

Bum Beimel Rips Uncaring Nats Fans!

You're probably right, Joe: Nats fans probably haven't given you a hard enough time for sucking this season. But before we continue, did we mention we loved your work against Pablo Sandoval out in San Francisco in May? That was awesome.

Buried in a story story by the Washington Post's Paul Schwartzman about the commitment of loyal Nats fans in the face of the piss-poor product on display at Nationals Park, Joe Beimel suggests that Nats fans don't care enough -- because most choose to cheer on the team - rather than give the team "a hard time" at home games. See Joe's quote above.

But surely we can address Joe's concerns, Nats fans. This is a call to arms!

First, join the Nationals Enquirer in lovingly Booing Joe Beimel each and every time he steps onto the field at Nationals Park for the rest of the season - or until he returns to LA, whichever happens first.

Then, join The Nationals Enquirer for an upcoming "Nationals Enquirer Brown Bag Night" at Nationals Park (date TBD), where we'll all get together wearing paper bags on our heads while we cheer on the home team and heartily boo that bleeping stiff, Joe Beimel. More details to follow.

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Pathetic!

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais. Eeeek! Welcome to NatsTown, where even the ballgirls Fail. Micah Hoffpauir shoves the ballgirl out of the way and dives into the stands to catch a Willie Harris foul pop in the third inning. Later, the ballgirl dove into the stands to avoid another foul pop in the area.)

Fire the Ballgirl! Fire Everybody!

"Players are playing hard. They're not accepting it. They're frustrated with the record, and they're anxious to turn it around. And we're gonna turn it around. ... I can tell you that. We will turn it around."
(Jim Riggleman, via Washington Times, 7/18/2009)

Cubs 3, Nationals 1: More Mannyball from Interim Jim's boys. They had Zambrano on the ropes early, but instead of delivering the knockout blow, they just blew.

Meanwhile...

• Phew! There's nothing wrong with Zim's head, it's just his arm slot causing all those errors!

• Scott Olsen won't pitch on Monday afterall. Welcome to the big leagues, Mr. J.D. Martin? Hendo explores some options?

• Mark Zuckerman recounts the Soriano deal that never happened. So you can thank Jimbo for Jordan Zimmermann. Go ahead, thank him.

• Guzman's bunions. Maybe that's why he looks like he's dogging it?

• Soriano's pinkie owie might make him miss the rest of the series.

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Rigglemanny

(Photo by Reuters Pictures. Interim Jim ponders the question: "W.W.M.D.? What would Manny do?")

Fire Jim Riggleman!

Cubs 6, Nats 2: He promised more of the same, and his team delivered.

It's like a checklist from the Manny Acta Era! A quality start from John Lannan; errors; baserunning blunders; no offense; and of course, pyrotechnics from the bullpen.

Meanwhile... 

Scott Olsen, scratched from tonight's start with tightness in his back; Craig Stammen will start in his place. Hello, J.D. Martin?

Now, let the Julian Tavarez DFA Watch begin!

Bill Ladson reports that "contending teams" are interested in Willie Harris; and that Rizzo may be pulling a Jimbo with Nick Johnson, i.e. asking for sun, moon, and stars:

According to one baseball source, the Nationals are asking too much for Johnson. Teams are not willing to give up top young players for a guy who gets injured often.

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Meet the New Boss. Same as the Old Boss?

(Photo of Jim Riggleman on TV by Nationals Enquirer staff. The new Nats Skipper put to rest any talk that he's a fiery personality with a snoozer of an introductory presser.)

"Everything that we’ve tried to do to this point was all correct - in theory, it’s all correct. Manny did all of the right things, so there’s not a lot of change to make; we’ve just got to get some results. … We’re not going to reinvent the game."
(Jim Riggleman, via Chatter/Washington TImes, 7/15/2009)

Interim Jim Meets the Press...

...and proceeds to simultaneously bore and scare the living crap out of NatsTown with his remarks. But wait, isn't Mr. Riggles supposed to be a hard-ass?

 "I feel like I'm a bit of a softy. I think I'm pretty easy. I think I'm easy in the sense that if players are not playing well I understand that; it's a tough game. But if they're not playing hard, that irks me. If they're not respectful of the game, respectful of the uniform, respectful of the fans -- if they do that, that's a problem."
(Jim Riggleman, via Nationals Journal/Washington Post, 7/15/2009)

Softy? Say it ain't so, Jim!

The Jim Riggleman Era begins.

Best of luck to you Mr. Riggleman. We wish you nothing but success the rest of the season - just not too much success, okay? Whatever you do, please don't go and blow the #1 pick in 2010: we want Bryce Harper more than we want a few more meaningless wins in 2009. And don't look now, but here come the Cleveland Indians in the Chase for Worst Place:

Some teams enter the second half of the season bubbling with anticipation over the race to come. The Indians enter screaming. Contenders come out of the All-Star break with destinations unknown. There are divisions to win, wild cards berths to claim. How deep into October can we go?

For a team like the Indians, a team of strangers, their destination is written in stone. When the season ends on Oct. 4, they'll go home after a year filled with injuries, strife, poor performances, votes of confidence and being compared to the Washington Nationals. And that was just the first half.
(via Cleveland Plain Dealer, 7/15/2009)

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Obama Hates the Nats

(Photo by Reuters Pictures. President Obama walks onto the field at Busch Stadium last night, minutes before taking a shot at the Nationals on FOX.)

National Punchline.

First, back in April, The President of the United States of America snubbed the Nationals, declining an invitation to throw out the first pitch at the home opener (while extending an invitation that same week to the Phillies to visit the White House). Okay, we understand: he's a busy man.

But during last night's All Star game, while visiting with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver in the FOX broadcast booth, Mr. Obama piled on the hopeless Nationals. Over at the Bog, Dan Steinberg provides video evidence (via StetSports dot com). To our ears, the Presidential diss sounded like this:

"Everyone around the country has a little bit of hope for their team...Maybe with the exception of the Nationals."

Insert laugh track here.

Over at Washington Times/Chatter, Mark Zuckerman has a transcript of the Presidential diss, with a slightly different translation.

It's just the latest proof that the Nationals have become a national punchline.

Regardless, Obama's comments are at least proof that the The Prez  is aware that there's a Major League Baseball team playing right around the corner from his house (despite the fact that the majority of the time they don't resemble a Major League Baseball team). After blowing off the Nats in April, we weren't so sure he even knew baseball had returned to Our Nationals Capital. Heck, at least "W" showed up once in a while to root for the home team from time to time when he was in office.

Final note to the Prez: if you do decide to throw out the first pitch at Nationals Park some day, please leave your White Sox jacket at home.

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